Here are some thoughts of mine…
I am sitting in a little shop waiting for my food to come. A couple is sitting next to me and we talk for a while. In a foreign country you talk practically to everyone. Soon I realize that the lady is suffering from Parkinson’s disease as her head and her hands are in a constant state of instability. She was a truly beautiful lady, around her 60s, fully taking care of herself.
All this made me feel an even greater sympathy. I pictured her as a young girl experiencing the adventures of love, without probably ever imagining that later on she would fall ill this way.
I was thinking how arrogant we can be as human beings. We believe that we will be forever young and attractive and we consume ourselves in futilities of all sorts. How will I look more beautiful, how will I feel safer, how will I become richer…?
and honestly it doesn’t cross our mind that at some point we might fall ill and we will stop being beautiful and adorable. We don’t realize that by the end of our life what matters is definitely not the number of degrees we have collected, the fortune we have made and the career we have pursued. I think that in the end, I want to go with my heart tranquil and with a feeling of bliss that I had the chance to experience paradise on Earth. As long as I live, I want to train myself for the passage at the other side of the veil…
Have you ever wondered what will you do with all your money, your belongings and your beauty, if you end up at some point completely alone?
Forgiveness. I want to stop judging others that bother me, instead of being grateful that they constitute a projection of myself and they give me the chance to enlighten my dark sides. I want to grow through love and not through stubbornness and anger.
I want to get to know myself. I want to talk to myself more. To find out what is it that scares me or hurts me and manage to smile every time I realize that once again I am thinking, I am judging, I am getting angry, I am getting afraid…yes, I will smile every time I realize all these. I know how much I damage myself and my body every time, every moment I am in disharmony.
I want to expand my talents and talk to my neuroses. Why should it be so difficult for a human to be on his/her own and fill time with people and activities? Who knows me better and can understand me better, though, than myself when we get to know each other? Who consoles me and excuses every need of mine? I am referring to our true self and not the one that is being controlled by our hormones and the “want, think, like” pattern. This is probably why it is so difficult to comprehend me, to move beyond this point and see what remains in the end and who I really am. How easily I forget, how easily I tumble back to my old habits and patterns. My progress though is marked not by how far I still need to go, but, by the distance I have already covered.
I am proud of myself, I love myself, I forgive me for my human weaknesses and I steadily express my intention to evolve. I love myself and I feel unity with everyone around me, I love myself and I love all the people around me.
Whatever is outside is inside me as well, whatever is up there is also down here. And that’s the way it goes…
(2009, in Thailand- Chiang Mai)