What is the difference between giving yourself what you think you want and getting what you truly need?
Truly blessed when I get what I truly need in the moment, because this is exactly where I need to be to re-balance, so as to be able to move on to the next step in my life.
No, my life is not flat at all. Every day is a full-potential day, which is about to unfold in front of my eyes. I love that. Tired? Sometimes even exhausted, I would say. Unsafe? Absolutely. Boring? Never! Rich? So rich… full of experiences rich! Planning a future that sustains me? Yes, my next best thing. But “planning” is a mind expectation, it serves me best to say, “imagining”.
Even when I reach a plateau of stillness, when nothing is moving on the surface, I know that everything is still moving – all I need this period of my life is exactly what I get, stillness. And I have learned through the years to “simply” allow it. Time for moving for the restless warrior and time for resting for the wise one!
Trust and surrender to what is there, that’s the secret, if I am allowed to say. Not to the mind, the mind serves other kind of practicalities. Thank God I’ve been practising to tell the difference for quite some time now (9 years ago I was teaching in Thisseio, Athens, the workshop “heart vs mind- frienemys”). One needs to allow this process by observing the guilt, the awkwardness, the shame, the feeling of being “unworthy”. Do we love ourselves enough? Or we “love” ourselves, but for reasons that are not enough. We see it every day. I love myself for eg. when I am getting what I want, and I feel unworthy when nothing goes as planned or when I get the sack. I am so beautiful and I love my body when my partner admires me and i step into crisis the minute he/she abandons me. (a lot of energy feeding there too…)
When I allow myself to get what I need and be present, a profound feeling is noticeable all over my body, a feeling of completion, satisfaction and wholeness. In these moments there is no room for anyone else in my life. Other times I feel like sharing, but most of these times I feel like being on my own and enhance the experience by giving myself more of what makes me happy. This is a one person love story and I am all in to it!
When I think I get what I need, the feeling is not that smooth. Or better said, the feeling is not that pure. I have all sorts of feelings, but mainly I recognize that I am responding- moving- running rather than Being. Huge difference. At least in my body.
The question remains the same for so many of us: how to love our self truly, utterly, fiercely?
Embody the highest vision of ourselves, we only have time for that.
With love
Roula
