Death
Dedicated to my Father
Understanding Death
What is death? How do we each define it? What emotions arise when we hear about someone facing their end? Have we truly come to terms with our own inevitable mortality?
Over the past few months, I have immersed myself in a profound book that I highly recommend: “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying” by Sogyal Rinpoche. While I won’t present anything entirely new, my hope is that my reflections might inspire others to engage with this topic and meditate on its significance.
Our understanding of death is often limited. In various cultures, both ancient and modern, there are practices where spiritual guides assist the soul of a dying person in transitioning peacefully. These guides use rituals and ceremonies to ease the passage for both the dying and their loved ones. In contrast, many in the Western world, particularly in urban centers, tend to view death as something to be avoided, almost like a contagion. But must it be this way?
Instead of merely mourning those who are departing, we can honor them for the impact they had on our lives. We can help them find peace with their life experiences. Significant changes in consciousness often occur at the end of life; thus, honoring someone while they are still alive is crucial. This practice also helps us appreciate life’s transience and cherish our loved ones while they are still with us. Consider the remarkable processes that unfold when faced with death: maturity, openness of consciousness, forgiveness, and an evaluation of what truly matters. These moments encourage us to live consciously rather than just survive day-to-day.
Grieving the loss of a loved one is a natural part of being human. It reflects the depth of our love and the richness of having a heart. It’s essential to allow ourselves time to grieve and process this loss.
Dying individuals need our support to let go peacefully. As illustrated in the book, holding onto them through our grief can hinder their transition, much like a ship unable to set sail because it’s anchored by those left behind.
In this book, there is an example worth mentioning: “when someone dies, this is something irreversible, and it seems to that person (dying) as if being on a ship ready to sail, but, cannot depart as the relatives do not let go through their lament and their attachment” (paraphrasing). As the soul of the person who has died is going through several stages until it is completely set free from the life it has lived, it is good during the time period determined by the religion each one believes in, to apply all the rituals necessary – for instance, in Christianity, the Sanctus takes place in 40-days’ time, while in Tibet of special importance are the fourth and seventh week since the death of that person. This shows that the souls of the human beings departing need our contribution in order to head “towards where they should be going”. They need our forgiveness and freedom.
Death is not an end but a transition into another cycle. This perspective can be comforting. Many cultures view death as part of a larger cycle, offering insights that help us reconsider our views on life and death.
Every day we experience small endings—moving homes, losing possessions, or breaking ties—which mirror the stress associated with death. By understanding death better, we can gain a deeper appreciation for life.
We should be grateful for the opportunity to confront such an uncomfortable topic through those who are dying. It reminds us that death is a universal experience that unites us all. It transcends ego and serves as an excellent exercise in humility and acceptance.
Death reminds us to live fully and appreciate life as a precious gift. By confronting our fears about death head-on, we can enrich our lives with greater quality and consciousness. By changing perspective regarding this topic (the way it goes for everything else), we will have a life of greater quality, consciousness, and calmness. Death is the best reminder to Live our Life to the fullest. Life is a gift!
As Sogyal Rinpoche writes in “The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying chapter “HELPING THE BEREAVED”, pages 459-560:
“Don’t let us half die with our loved ones, then; let us try to live after they have gone, with greater fervor. Let us try, at least, to fulfill the dead person’s wishes or aspirations in some way, for instance by giving some of his belongings to charity, or sponsoring in her name a project she held particularly dear.”
This book offers invaluable insights into the nature of death and I hope these reflections have been helpful and invite you to explore this profound topic further.
