When seeing the title of this article, one might think that the focus will be on relationships between people. No. I have decided to stir us emotionally and write a few words about forgiving Our Self.
People are divided into two categories: those who believe that it is always someone else’s fault and those who believe it is all their fault. In both cases, I think we have not managed to love our self enough. When it is always the others’ fault and we feel that everyone owes us and we get caught up in all these arrogant and selfish behaviors, it means that we have not taken care of our personal issues with love, out of fear of what might come on the surface after digging deep in our self. In other words, people acting this way have not bothered discovering who they really are. The second case doesn’t need much analysis: the pattern of guilt overshadows everything; a very nice combination of guilt, self-punishment, lack of faith – confidence and self-value, indifference, depression and anger.
I always make the comparison of this situation with the following: it is as if having two kids, one being the “good child” and the other the “black sheep”. What do we actually do? Kick out the child that doesn’t do what pleases us and therefore not recognize it as our child (= as part of us)? Our self is US. It is no good rejecting our self, failing to forgive our weaknesses, omissions, bad habits, indecencies and obsessions. In other words, nothing good will come out if we keep projecting more resistance to what we are, as this way we enforce our energy regarding all the things we don’t like (as this is our focus), and we make the situation worse as we feed it with elements of criticism, self-punishment, disappointment, pessimism, guilt, disdain and more.
Being able to forgive oneself for all the things that one has done or hasn’t done, that used to do, thinks of, is able for or doesn’t want to do (while he/she should), for one’s desires, dreams, needs, passions, character defects, life choices up to now, for the fact that he/she cannot end or begin a situation and many more, is maybe one of the most important aspects of self-therapy. It is so liberating, that almost every breath that one takes after forgiveness has taken place, feels different than before.
During our life, we definitely have the tendency to leave behind some things that do not work for us anymore. We are definitely evolving and we are not the same person that we were yesterday – needless to say, a few years ago. Do you know something though? It is such a relief to make peace with yourself, forgive and be grateful for all the things that have accompanied your journey and you have left behind now. We need consciously to realize that: “It was me who chose to experience the situation I am going through now in order to learn more about myself and get emotional maturity, aka move one step closer to learn how to Love. I am responsible for my choices every single moment. I love myself and forgive myself”.
Simply put, to make “mistakes and have weaknesses” (for instance), it means that I still have some needs that I ought to confront. By resolving these first, I will be able to fulfill my goals, whatever it is I want to become and wherever I want to find myself, in a faster and easier manner. Besides, there is no right or wrong. It is all experiences. I understand that some mistakes can leave a mark on our life, but, sometimes it might not be too late to fix them, forgive our self for simply being “human” with all our imperfections (as this is the grandeur of human nature where perfection is hidden within imperfection) and for the fact that we are constantly evolving. As far as I know, nobody was born “enlightened”. We are perfect in our inperfection.
We all have the right to make mistakes. And we will have it till we die. Let’s hope that we will have people around us that can help us move forward and can forgive us and love us (the way we do respectively). Let’s allow people in our lives, who will hold the space for us, so we can be ourselves.
Summing up, I would like to remind us that whoever has the ability to love oneself, can also love the people around him/her and whoever can forgive oneself can forgive as well those who have hurt him/her.
We are all the manifestation of the One, Me is You and You is Me.
Light Love Gratitude